I hope I am making some progress in my life, and not just going in circles. I thought I was pretty well over the death of Freddy Mercury, which happened almost two decades ago, and which I was only aware of after the fact. I had never even really heard a Queen song, including We Will Rock You, or We are the Champions until 1992, so it seemed and still seems a bit silly that it hit me so hard watching the Concert for Life. I really did go through all the classic stages of grief despite having lost something I never knew anyway. These many years later, as an adult, it certainly affects me differently to see him in These are the Days of Our Lives, so gaunt and obviously ill, and I am so very glad I never saw that interview on British TV from the week after his death, till tonight. I can still recall the way John Deacon appeared at that tribute concert, and seeing someone in such obvious pain and grief did not help mitigate the affects of that whole episode in my life. Now, though, after years of knowing Queen's music rather thoroughly, and with how important their music was for me, it seems I almost did know Freddie, enough that I most certainly understand much better.
It is for us, the living, to continue to really live, to the best that is within us, if Freddie's life and death are to have any real lasting personal impact on any of us. This I understood well enough as a kid, and it was that as much as any Queen songs that kept me from suicide as a teenager. But life is not so straightforward and easy to assess as I used to think. I cannot really call where I am success or failure. I am simply alive. Alive and working on the rest.
And, yes, while it is incredibly unlikely and a silly wish, I do wish I might become acquainted with Brian May someday. He is a person I admire, and if he were a part of my life, actually in person, it could only be a good thing.
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