I am still of the opinion that prolonging a hypomanic phase is a bad idea, but I think that is what I have been doing over the past week or so. I thought yesterday that maybe I was actually getting properly sick, finally, a condition that would 'legally' permit me to take a few days off and actually recover, but while I was suddenly and inexplicably tired starting about noon on Wednesday, and had the full body ache that usually accompanies the flu for me, I was only nauseous for about half an hour, Friday evening at about 7, and have not yet had a fever. Does this mean I will not be taking legitimate sick days this term? I was joking around earlier about taking sick days anyway, but realistically I can't quite afford it. It would make reading political science textbooks easier, but as several folks have pointed out, some of the important discourses in this field are not in book form, and thus I am not yet up to determining my own reading list. Not only that, I am not sure absolutely which areas I will choose as my emphases. After talking with Susan, I am dropping environmental policy as redundant, and an area in which I am less likely to need particular instruction, and theory is a definite. But I am torn between policy and American politics now. Looking at the range of topics within each, I can see at least half of each as necessary to my chosen topic, but not the whole range of either. So I am reading parts of Susan's New Handbook of Political Science, a remarkably readable and pleasant book considering its title, and hoping that I can sort out which direction I will go, before this coming Wednesday morning. Since I am taking an economics course, and a course on environmental policy theory, I only have space in my schedule for one of the two disputed areas.
I am also grading, finally, this weekend. Thankfully, all the 50+ papers in my stack are readable, but to grade the middle-range papers I have to go back and review all the material they were given from which to develop their papers. The "clearly A" papers and "clearly D" papers were easy, but the differences between the ones in the middle are muddier to assess. Thus procrastination- they don't need to be graded till at least Tuesday anyway, and maybe, probably, later.
On top of this, I am also reviewing for an exam on program assessment/ policy analysis which I will be taking Monday morning, and writing a take-home essay-exam on green jobs and sustainability, which I finished 2 hours ago. And, if I still have time and energy tomorrow, I plan to go for a walk, weather permitting, and write a draft of the ecosystems science portion of my white paper. So, while I can feel my mood slipping decidedly towards depression, I am still being quite productive. It takes longer to get myself started, part of why I didn't write my take-home exam earlier, and my brain has been feeling muddy and slow, but once I get started, I can draw myself into a more productive mode again, possibly by sheer stubbornness. Nighttime has an effect too. I have always written better after 1am, so it isn't surprising that my brain feels better now (~3am). I am decidedly pessimistic about my would-be romantic interest, and am only barely emotionally engaged in that outcome, to the extent that I am not motivated to do anything to effect a positive outcome, despite my continued interest in this person. I also am pessimistic about my chosen thesis, despite the positive reception it received from both faculty I have recruited into my committee thus far. That has something to do with my reaction to the Ayn Rand Institute website, and to my literature search on Friday that yielded very little useful information. I have yet to look up Alan Greenspan's contributions to this range of conversations, and I know that he wrote several things that may be useful, and I know Objectivism well enough to be able to find papers relating to my topic regardless of whether they use the term "Objectivism" or mention Rand at all. Realistically, I may not refer to Rand much either, as I go further into my topic. Her work is a map for my research, but my goal is not to prove her right or wrong. I do not like the cultish atmosphere of the Ayn Rand Institute, and do not wish to write papers that serve to bolster their cause.
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